REVIEW: Hitman: Agent 47 far from a hit

Let’s cut to the chase, it’s another disappointment from Fox Studios.

It’s been two days since I saw this movie, and my brain still aches from the terrible – everything.

Directed by Aleksander Bach and starring Rupert Friend, Hannah Ware and Zachary Quinto, Hitman: Agent 47 borrows from the video game series of the same name. The plot is pretty cookie cutter for a spy movie: genetically engineered agent tries to stop enemy from achieving goal of evil proportions. There’s a girl involved (in this case she’s the key to the success of Agent 47’s opponents) and that’s the movie in a nutshell.

If the name of the movie looks familiar, you’re not losing your mind. Hitman starring Timothy Olyphant, was released in 2007. Yes – the 2015 film is a reboot of a movie that absolutely, positively needed to be left alone.

If I do have something positive to say about the 2015 version, it’s this: I feel like the casting of Rupert Friend as 47 was a good choice. He – to me – felt more like Mr. 47 than Olyphant did. I also appreciated the Audi RS7 that made an appearance in the movie – but stepping out of that, I realized it felt more like a car commercial than an interesting accent.

Those are probably two of the nicest things I’ll have to say in this review.

This movie is dull, formulaic and offered very little in the action category. I also found the actors disengaged from their roles. Though I appreciate the film makers trying to make Ware’s character a bit more ‘kick ass,’ she was still too dependent on those who tried to rescue her. Friend appeared to be a bit more interested in what he was doing but aside from that, I was tired of the movie’s characters about 20 minutes in.

What irritated me the most was how stupid the writers seem to believe the audience is. I can’t understand how the actors managed to get away with uttering the phrase “subdermal titanium body armor.” It took everything I had not to laugh out loud. But then I heard the phrase about three more times during the movie, and I couldn’t handle it. It was half funny, half insulting. You can’t explain away parts of the story with these kinds of things. There’s suspending your imagination, and then there’s just the insane. This falls into the latter.

Also jarring: the plot. Just when you think you have a handle on what the main characters are trying to do, they’re pulling your leg and going in a different direction. This has nothing to do with being smart, stylish or interesting. It has everything to do with being annoying. It’s so dreadful – it carries through right to the end of the movie – and it left me wondering what it was I’d just watched.

I’m sure there are people who are looking for another action flick to watch for the summer. This isn’t it. I strongly recommend not seeing it; if you’re a die hard fan of the video games, I think you will be disappointed. If you really like action movies, you’ll see a little gun play, but no interesting stunts; no action to leave you wanting more. This film is a victim of playing it way too safe, and poor writing.

Oh, and the phrase “subdermal titanium body armor” is in a fail category of its own.

The long and the short of it: this is a movie that looks like it’s depending on the interest of gamers and those who are fans of the Hitman video games. Fox should leave this one on the shelf.

You can absolutely afford to skip this movie – which hits theatres today. If you HAVE to go, then do so on a cheapie night.

Here’s the trailer.

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